aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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