they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
