I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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