We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
