Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
