for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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