I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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