I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
