Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They took my balls.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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