Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
