saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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