It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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