two words...techno handjob
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
