I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
