There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
