also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
