I think I died a long time ago.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Acid is not a monday night drug
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
