I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
