Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
