i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
