Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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