On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
