If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
