i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
