my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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