Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
