She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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