i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
