he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
