i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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