she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
