Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
