you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My vagina just recognized that song.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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