When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Randomize
