absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
