I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
