i think my mom watched the whole time
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
