Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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