Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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