I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
