Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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