She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
