it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
