I think I am morally bankrupt
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We are all done wearing pants today
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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