And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
