Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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