Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
