In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
