She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
