I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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