moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
