How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
