If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
