So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
