so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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