sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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