aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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