my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
