Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
