i just had sex bonerless
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can I color on your dick again?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
