Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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