Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
