My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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