your thong is hanging out like whoa
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
false alarm. still invincible.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize