tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
