I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am puke
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
